Outside the Pigeon Holes

Random thought I had today... So, the Dems wanted to "take back America", now the Repubs want to "take back America", and the Tea Party and the Libertarians also want to 'take back America"...And people wonder why the country is being torn apart. I see this on the preschool playground daily "Mine! Mine! Mine! Gimme it!!" I'd love to see this be a country where people were humble enough to realize that there's value in different ideas, that there's beauty in learning to live together. Why is it so hard to see that my neighbor is as entitled to their convictions as I am? Freedom will never be as long as one group believes itself superior and seeks to destroy all others.

Another post that comes from a blog comment. Wow...Great conversation here. Who defines God...Deep thought of all deep thoughts... I am in a similar place as Steve...I wouldn't say my faith is in question, Jesus has never been more real for me...I would say that some of the things I was so sure of growing up in conservative evangelical Christianity have been kind of pulled out from under me in the last few years. In a wonderful, challenging, liberating way. I agree there very much is an element of 'our journey defines our faith/understanding of God'. Yet, God is God and he doesn't really change his essential core based on our imaginings. But, he may very well buy us a beer, sit with us while we smoke pot or watch internet porn with us along the way to breaking through our thick skulls with his love. That doesn't mean he approves of using illegal drugs, excess booze, porn (or Koran burning)....Just that He knows how to reach us and - to quote The Shack - there's...

Two years ago I was thrilled to post this message regarding my friend's brother (both of whom I have known since high school)...Nick had been hit by a drunk driver while riding his motorcycle. It was a miracle he lived. This is Nick Drake. He is at home recovering from his injuries. Thanks again to everyone who prayed for him! Helen On Wednesday morning , Nick was hit and killed by an SUV. I don't get it...I hate it...My heart aches for his sister who has no family left. I trust Papa God with all my heart. I know that He did not cause this to happen, will it or any such nonsense. I know that He works all things together for good and every other platitude that exists that is truth...But right now all I can say is WTF?? Please pray for Kimmie.  Thank you... Helen

It all started with a nosy neighbor (or someone) who felt the need to report me to the city for 'code violations' on my house. Rather than come talk to me face to face and maybe ask if I might need help repairing a huge two-family house (on a one person income) they simply made an anonymous report to the city. That resulted in this letter ( click on pics to see them larger) : Note that the date they wrote the order was August 20th...Note the requested completion date: Here is what they were asking to be completed in that time frame: Yeah...Right. So, had 'anonymous' asked I would have shown them the thousands of dollars worth of structural work that I am trying to get taken care of on the inside. I would have explained that I am well aware of the work that needs to be done on the outside and it would get done as I was able....Or as soon as I won the lottery and could afford to hire the professionals to do it. But, no...Mr or Mrs. Anonymous didn't have the courage to...

A photo study.... Shampoo and product: No Poo day 7 (no styling products): Aveda Scalp Benefits (with styling products): The upside of the chemical-laden shampoo along with product is that my curl holds better and my hair has more texture. The downside is that the good curl look only lasts the day of the wash and my hair feels greasy and heavy the next day. No Poo or higher quality/lower chemical shampoo both make my hair softer and healthier looking (even when the No Poo made it feel oily) but the curls don't hold as well. So, what is a girl to do??

I think for now, I'll let the professional hair care people do the experimenting for me since my hair is so weird. I shall pay them for their efforts by investing in their products (higher-quality, lower-chemical products rather than the cheaper brands I usually get). I may also continue to 'rinse only' a couple of times a week to let my scalp and hair go au naturale. That was one of the philosophies of no-poo that I liked. Aveda came highly recommended. Aveda is also known for their eco-friendliness so I explored their stash at the local Dillard's. This is what I will try: http://www.strawberrynet.com/images/products/04727974304.jpg Its supposed to balance the moisture on the scalp and is good for 'all' hair types. Seemed like a good bet...This was confirmed by a friend of a friend who is an Aveda rep. who also recommended something for my dry ends. In addition, my friend Theresa is going to let me try her Aveda shampoo called 'Shampure'. One of thes...

So, my friend Nichole uses the No-Poo method of hair care. Instead of shampoo she cleans her hair with baking soda and also uses Apple Cider Vinegar from time to time to condition it. The theory is that store-bought shampoos are made with harsh chemicals that strip your hair of its natural oils. When you go shampoo free your body can return to the oil balance it was intended to have. Also, it keeps the chemicals out of the water supply, plastic out of land-fills and saves you money at the store. Nichole's hair is beautiful and always looks good so I thought the concept seemed interesting. Then I shied from it as she talked about the 'transition period' that can last weeks or months where your hair could get greasy and weird. My hair does that on its own...I didn't think I wanted to help it along. Plus I love the smell of my shampoo, plus it has stuff in it that keeps lice away. Working in preschool you have to be mindful of that kind of thing. Still, I must admit tha...

I am taking another step out of the theological closet. Here is what I confess to today: Any imagry of God as punitive, blood thirsty and genocidal offends my spirit and I believe the very nature of the one true Creator God whose love is revealed in Jesus Christ. I have never been at peace with the violent, evil stories in Scripture that paint my Papa as a wrathful being who wiped out innocent people for the wrongdoing of others. I have tried to walk in and have even promoted the excuses and rationalizations provided for me thus far to explain the seemingly bi-polar actions of this God. But I always come back to feeling a gnawing in my gut that something isn't right about this imagry. I can no longer accept these justifcations. I have never met the God that would require/demand for his creatures - which He created in love - to be cut open and dismembered to satisfy his wrath...Much less the God whose nostrils are pleased by the scent of the burning of this fle...

Another post that is actually a reply...This kinda sums up where I am in my journey with Jesus...Most of my friends already know all this...But just in case anyone else is interested.... For a while I had to stop listening to sermons. Even by people who I love and admire. My "inputter" was overwhelmed with contradictory messages, "7 steps to..." messages and simple answers to complex issues. For a while, to open the Bible was akin to this scene in Harry Potter:  http://images.wikia.com/harrypotter/images/e/e8/12ss07.jpg It was like opening a box of screaming voices that wanted to tell me how badly I was screwing up and how much I still needed to do to be pleasing, how this thing called 'God's will' was what was leading me down so many confusing roads (when it was really my anxious heart trying to be perfect for a false, demanding God).  This last year I finally broke. And my friends held me as I cried. And Papa came near and He said 'res...

My reply to a blog post regarding energy issues: I think that counting on the government to solve anything is probably not a good focus. At present it is largely just a big loud group of people name-calling and pointing fingers at one another while the world continues to have issues that get worse. That is the nature of politics and I'm not sure that will change.    Ever see that Dr. Seuss cartoon where the two little guys walking in two different directions end up face to face with neither one willing to move so that they can both continue on their paths? In the end highways and cities get built up all around them as they continue to stare at each other obstinately.    That's how I see politics...Personally, I think it will be the power of those who walk away from that debate and use their God-given talents to press into these issues together with other folks tired of the game. We, the people will get it done and the rest will eventually look up from...

This guy, Samuel Lee, wrote an awesome new Statement of Faith for Pentacostals/Charismatics...It's like a list of stuff I have wanted to say for a long time...AMEN, BRO! Here is a link to his site...And below is his proposed Statement of Faith... http://tinyurl.com/25djvmw The New Kind of Pentecostals are: 1.Those who do not claim exclusivity of the Holy Spirit to a particular denomination or church. 2. Those who respect other Christian denominations and traditions and are willing to fellowship, share and cooperate with them. 3. Those who believe that the unconditional love that is inspired & directed by the Holy Spirit in believers is the greatest sign of being filled with the Holy Spirit. 4. Those who share the Good News with all mankind, but in a manner full of grace and love and not through arrogance and “the-we-know-better-than-you-mentality...” 5. Those who believe that miracles, signs and wonders are still possible today, but one should not elevate these above the humil...

I added labels to some of my old posts and edited labels on others. You have to "publish Post" to save the changes and apparently some of them were posted as if they were all new posts...Sorry for the unintended re-runs!

You broke the bonds And you loosed the chains Carried the cross Of my shame Oh my shame You know I believe it But I still haven't found what I'm looking for ... -U2 Jesus is True. That's the one thing I know for sure. Because I've met Him. Beyond that, it's all just commentary (props to Rob Bell). Some random thoughts on life, love and faith from a girl who's just calling it like she sees it and who is done apologizing and hyper-spiritualizing her way through the journey. There are beautiful Christians who aren't Conservative Republicans. My daily struggles and questions and processing does not preclude me from being a good prayer minister. I can be a Charismatic without subscribing carte blanche to Pentecostal traditions. It's OK to enjoy the love I have been given. Everyone is a hypocrite about something. Chances are I am more annoyed at myself than God is. The Bible is not an object to be worshiped. The One whose li...

When I step outside of the tangled web of 'which version of Christianity is the end all be all' and trust God to know my heart, I find a place where I can breathe, rest, and hear His voice the most clearly...It's like moving from dysfunction into a realm of the sacred.

Yesterday I went to see my favorite head shrinker...I have known Dr. V for about 10 years. He rescued me from the craziness that is my brain by prescribing medication to me. I trust this guy. I don;t care that he isn't an outward Christian (I really have no idea what his faith is, but he does respect mine and speaks with me about it often). I just love Dr. V and I believe that God placed him in my life when I needed him. Yesterday he told me that the hypervigilance that I an experiencing right now is completely  understandable. Hypervigilance is: A n enhanced state of sensory sensitivity accompanied by an exaggerated intensity of behaviors whose purpose is to detect threats. Hyper vigilance is also accompanied by a state of increased anxiety which can cause exhaustion.  The way this plays out for me is that I am in an almost constant state of fear that everything I hold dear is threatened and/or will be taken from me. I fear that my friends are mad at me, think ill of me...

I am in a wonderful, scary, being stretched place right now...It is all about trusting my Heavenly Father and Jesus and the Holy Spirit in ways that I never have. See, I used to have lots of rules and shoulds and shouldn'ts and a well crafted life plans that kept me in this false sense of self-security. In the last 24 months so many things have come in to turn those things upside down to make me look at them in a new way. It's like taking off the float-a-floats and swimming in the deep end. At first I thought I must be under attack from the enemy - and in some ways I was - mostly in the lies that came to mind about who I am and that God was out to mess me up or trick me. But now I am beginning to see Like being in the middle of chaos all around and God walking in front of me as things crumble around me saying 'look here...Focus...Focus....Eyes on me...Put down the play book and trust me completely no matter what things look like around you...' My theology is being mes...

Found this in my drafts but never published it...This was a turning point in my journey...And I don't regret at all having made this choice. I determined that I'm probably violating the will of God by even being interested in seizing the day and throwing worry to the wind.... Probably this is all a trick of the devil to get me to make a whole lot of bad choices. But if I were to be honest, the last 6 years of my life were the result of one colossally bad choice, but in it, I have found a closer, more authentic, relationship with Father God and company! So, bring on the bad choices! Ok, I don't really want to make bad choices...I just don't want to spend the rest of my existence trying to manage myself so microscopically that I forget to live.

I am coming to a place where I think that maybe God doesn't have one single thing that he wants for me to do...I mean, maybe he does for some. I believe he has plans for us, but I don't know if it's a spelled out destiny with some big job to do. I am coming to believe that maybe He created me with the purpose of letting me be me, making choices and flowing in the gifts He has placed in me. Yes, He wants to see me do wonderful things. And perhaps there's a 'right track' in some form or another that He leads me toward (whether that is a career path or a relationship, or a geographical location)...But the important thing is that I do everything from a place of love...And in that I can accomplish great things or small things, but when done from that place, from the heart of Christ, everything is worth doing. I am starting to believe that maybe the idea that we have been sold in Christian books and teachings is that each of us has to have some BIG THING to do. And ...

We have been studying sonnets which for those who have forgotten high school lit class are 14-line poems with ten syllables in each line. They're fun to write in the sense that it is like working a puzzle. You have a designated rhyme scheme that has to be met depending on the type of sonnet that it is (Shakespearean, Italian, Spenserian, etc)...So you have to make what you want to say work within that scheme. As a writer of free-form I find it frustrating on the one hand to have what I want to communicate come together in a beautiful phrase only to learn that it doesn't fit. On the other hand it's fun because it makes you think and challenges your creativity - to still say what you want to say within the meter without losing the flow and cadence that you have in your head. I do prefer free form but here are my two sonnets so far. Remember I am new at this... :) The first one was inspired by a recent news headline. The second is pretty self explanatory. Police found t...

A few years ago I pulled a little pink paper heart off of a bulletin board at Shiloh church. It was to remind me to think of the person whose name was printed on it in my prayers - someone who was serving overseas during the heat of the war with Iraq. The name on my heart was Dr. Brad Wenstrup. I taped it to the dashboard of my car and it stayed there for a year or so. I thought of this person - who I'd never met - when I'd glance at his name as I was driving or getting into my car.  And I would say a short breath prayer. "God bless Brad" or "Be with Brad". I confess I am not gifted in deep intercessory prayer. My prayers for him were short and sometimes I didn't pray, but would look at the name and wonder who this person was, what he looked like, did he go to my church or was he a friend of someone who went there? What was his job in Iraq? I wondered if I would ever meet him. I hoped that I would, or at least know that he was OK. One afternoon dur...