Speakeasy Book Review: Coffee Shop Conversations by Dale Fincher and Jonalyn Fincher

 Coffee Shop Conversations is a very helpful book if you are making an effort to grow out of 'evangelizing' people as taught in many evangelical churches today. I myself grew up in such an environment and spent many years of my younger life believing that it was my job to 'catch as many fish as possible' for Jesus. I think that the basic heart behind that is good...Most people intent on 'witnessing' and 'harvesting souls' (a phrase that has always given me the heebie-jeebies) are good people who simply want to share what they have found to be a life-changing faith. The problem is the basic premise that goes along with that (often unconciously until there's an objective inventory taken) tends to be one of superiority - the basic idea that the person you are evangelizing is an object, or a point or a notch on a heavenly score card that Jesus carries around in his pocket. Each time one gets to 'witness', one has an opportunity for high-fiving ones fellows at next week's church meeting. "I have successfully turned this person away from their faulty ideas and toward my way of thinking which means they will go to heaven!" Hardly anything wrong with saving someone from certain unending torment, right? In my experience, though, it was a heavy thing to carry - the salvation of everyone else and the arrogance of believing that my theology was perfect. I didn't really care to listen to the other person, I had an agenda and I wasn't going to deviate. The devil is the one who would want to distract me with details like 'I grew up in a Christian home but my dad and mom beat the crap out of each other every week after church. Where was God when that was going on? I just have no interest in religion or church or God anymore'
"No matter - Jesus is the answer! Jesus saves! Jesus is the way, the truth and the life! Jesus can help you! Here are 7 Bible verses you have to read that will help you know him better!"

Someone just opened up their soul to you and all you can do is offer tired talking points that were practiced in youth group? Life is complex. These easy-fix-it answers rarely do much in terms of building a relationship of mutual respect. And if they do, eventually the shiny and new excitement over 'coming to Jesus' may very well wear off and leave them asking the same questions as when they began. It's like a junk food sugar high tha ends in a crash.

Dale and Jonalyn Fincher's book is not really a book about a new way to evangelize, it is about tossing aside our own pride and engaging as Jesus did with other people: with humility, realness and an open heart. For that I was truly grateful. The purpose of any conversation about spirituality should not be one with a hidden agenda. After all, how do most evangelicals react when a Jehova's Witness rings their doorbell? When he said 'Do unto others as you would have them do to you', Jesus was talking to all of us. If you don't care to be evangelized (sounds like an assault of some kind, doesn't it? And in a way, IT IS) - don't evangelize others.

What I like the most is that they emphasize the importance of truly engaging in conversation. Sharing and allowing others to share - listening to others with a sincere interest in their story and ideas. It also emphasizes the importance of being willing to be changed by the other person's perspective. The authors explain that the main focus should not be conversion but connection. I found myself amening and thanking the Finchers for putting down on paper things that I have found lacking in what I learned growing up about haveing sprirtual conversations. Things like:

"We approach every conversation as fellow learners instead of posturing experts" - YES! Thank you! And this applies unconditionally to anyone be they fellow Christians, Buddhists, Muslims or atheists. Another important aspect of this connection is the importance of not basing ones friendships with other people on whether or not they wind up agreeing with you. I have found that if a person's presence in my life is only as good as their mirroring of my own beliefs then I am not honoring them as distinct individuals made in the image of God...They are just potential Yes-Men to my way of thinking. It would be insulting to them for me to call them a friend. That isn't friendship. That's a business deal...But I digress.

This book is a very good practical manual for learning the finesse of conversation and goes on to discuss reading the Bible in a better way (without using it as a weapon - one of my biggest pet peeves) and misquoting from it. They also have a section for people who need encouragement and practical ideas for dealing with converstations that do lead to giving personal account of one's faith. They suggest not getting lost in battles over nonessential doctrines (such as whether or not the story of Jonah is a literal story or a work of literature) and to move beyond just believing what we've always believed just because that's what we were taught. They encourage each of us to build an authentic faith that is more than talking points and platitudes.

Many props to the efforts of these two authors for providing Christians a fresh way to live and love as Jesus did rather than the way the modern church cookie cutter says that we should.


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the author and/or publisher through the Speakeasy blogging book review network. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR,Part 255.