Brick wall - bang head.

Well, it looks like my days of hoping I will get called back to the county have ended. Kathy replied to my inquiry and said that their need for a TA anywhere in the program is looking very slim. So now I must step up my job search. I have been less aggressive in the hopes that my county job would come back for me. It looks like that won't happen this year. :( Maybe my teaching days are over. sigh. What a dream job that was...I wish I hadn't had to get dragged through Covington and grad school to learn that. I'd still be employed because I'd have had my continuing contract at 4 years.

Let this be a lesson to all about PRIDE. If you have a job you enjoy with people you like but you think you're too smart to be labeled a "paraprofessional" or think that people don't think as highly of you because of that or envy other people having a real "career", tell your pride and envy to take a hike and do what you enjoy.

This has been a harsh lesson for me, but one that the Good Lord had to walk me through to get me where I am. God and the love of family and friends are my source of worth...Not a title or a career. While I hope that my brief stay in Covington did some bit of good for at least one student, and the change led me to working with cool new people when I came back to the county, I don't think I would do it over again.

It may very well be one of those life long regrets...and to all those talk show idealists who say "LIVE LIFE! NO REGRETS!"...Please...What a "sounds good, feels good, must be true" load of horse hockey. Some of the best lessons we learn come from having to feel regret for a bad choice. The lesson might be priceless, but regret still plays a role. The key is take the lesson and move on, not pretend that regret doesn't exist or is a weak, wrong feeling.

I admit it..I regret!

Now I must humbly take my Father's hand and say "lead me on".

H.

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