Grid-Lock

Vineyard Westside has a monthly worship service called "Enter In" which is a simple format of music and prayer time around a particular theme such as healing or grace. The last one was "Rest". It opened with a prayer and then the band went into about an hour of music, familiar tunes as well as some extended free-flowing music interspersed with singing of spontaneous prayers. Being the geek that I am I brought my sketchbook, oil pastels and pencils for any arty inspirations I might have. At the beginning of the song "I love your presence" I had a picture form in my mind. So I drew it, not really knowing why it had come to me. It had sort of a sad feeling...Like looking out the window on a rainy day. When I finished drawing it I sat with it a few minutes more and then put it aside. Worship continued. The band moved into the song "Let it Rain" - one of my favorites. During the song I felt like Papa was asking me if I wanted him to break off some of the anxieties that I had on me (a common thing for me to have)...So as I let Him do that I also received an understanding of the picture I had drawn. By nature I am one who likes to read and learn things, to understand how things work - especially in the area of spirituality and theology. I love to study about God and people and creation, how they all connect, etc. Sometimes though, I find myself stuck trying to make sense of things - theologies that I don't get, ways of the spirit, Bible interpretations, etc. All of these things are good, but I do sometimes get stuck at certain points...I have a hard time letting go of them until I have enough of a grasp of them to move on. I got two words which at first glance seem contradictory but I think maybe the point was that there is a time/place for both:

"Too many questions...Just seek and find"
"Never too many questions, seek me and you'll find".

Then I got an image of me handing slips of paper to God. He sorted through them and was answering
them as I needed them to be answered.

Then I 'heard' him explain:

"All of the talk and Christian theories and doctrines, those are paradigms - I am above all paradigms. They are frameworks for understanding...There are different ones for different people and people groups. I invite you to explore them, learn about them but don't chain yourself to any or feel like you are obligated to serve a paradigm. You know what matters and what doesn't. Your paradigm is yours p share it, share those of others, seek me in them and find me, carry it on. If there are ones that are bothersome in their language (I have a hard time when people pray and speak in what I call 'Holy Land' or King James Talk), translate it into your language and move on. If you find things that you fear are dangerous to others, ask me about them....Don't let paradigm grids rain on your parade...You don't have to have the answers before you can enjoy my presence."

Looking at my picture, I could see all of that...The sad little flower looking through the window (paradigm grid) wanting to be in the nourishing rainfall. The tree to the left is a reference to something else he taught me a couple of years ago...A lady prayed over me and said she felt like I saw myself as a tree planted in a desert where I have to struggle and strain and work to get the water (life) I needed. But really I am a tree planted by a stream of ever flowing water that is readily available at all times. It was a really cool reminder and I felt tons better, refreshed and relieved.

So, Papa...Thank you for your ever falling rain of love and abundance that you have for me. Keep me from the lie that I have to be complete in my theology before I can come be with you...Help me remember that the point of it all is just to be with you so I can soak in your goodness and pass it along...Thanks for my tree and for my stream of water that I can draw from anytime. AMEN!