Dave, Steve and the question of the journey....

Another post that comes from a blog comment.

Wow...Great conversation here. Who defines God...Deep thought of all deep thoughts...

I am in a similar place as Steve...I wouldn't say my faith is in question, Jesus has never been more real for me...I would say that some of the things I was so sure of growing up in conservative evangelical Christianity have been kind of pulled out from under me in the last few years. In a wonderful, challenging, liberating way. I agree there very much is an element of 'our journey defines our faith/understanding of God'. Yet, God is God and he doesn't really change his essential core based on our imaginings. But, he may very well buy us a beer, sit with us while we smoke pot or watch internet porn with us along the way to breaking through our thick skulls with his love. That doesn't mean he approves of using illegal drugs, excess booze, porn (or Koran burning)....Just that He knows how to reach us and - to quote The Shack - there's not a road he won't travel to find us. Maybe, when Dave ran out of the bar with his hands up, ready to die so he could live, the Holy Spirit had already been at work within to get him to that point (even if Dave was unaware of it until that time). God is an artist who works the raw material as long as he needs to until His breath of life is welcomed freely into us. In the end, I believe the fruit will look the same if it is truly God at work.

What I have been learning the most is that each of us has to be allowed to walk out our walks and define God along the way that makes the most sense to us (yes, yes, I know sometimes he doesn't make sense, but all of us believe what we do because in some way it does make sense to us). And that the mistake that is often made (by me as well - not condemning here) is that we attempt to chain God to our own understanding, opinions and doctrines perhaps at the expense of disallowing others to 'work out their own salvation'.

For instance, my journey is a polar opposite of Dave's (ramble alert). I have never not known Jesus. I don't have an 'I was a lost wretched soul before Jesus saved me and made me a clean vessel' story. So, I don't necessarily connect to the traditional Christian line of thinking that we are born sinners until we pray a special prayer and then we're new creatures with new values. I needed 'saving' from a toxic faith that kept me bound to fear and self-critique. I found my worth in my ability to obey the rules. I walked in self-righteousness because I was a good girl who was able to avoid all those silly temptations that took down lesser people. I had everything figured out, coasted along on my laurels as a studious Bible reader and thinker.

Then I found myself in a marriage that fell apart from porn addiction (really, it was the lies more than the porn). Me...The one who followed all the rules to a great marriage. It was there that I started to choke on the 'rules'. I started to see some of the subtle - perhaps subconscious - manipulation that went on in my religion in order to keep people in tow rather than in cultivating relationship with Jesus...I saw how the rules kept beautiful women in bondage to marriages that were toxic for fear of having the sin of divorce 'charged to their account.' This is done in the name of honoring the covenant, being a godly woman, making God proud (nevermind that the marriage is slowly sucking the life out of them - because it's not about being happy, it's about dying to self). I started seeing more clearly other things that were disturbing, like the injustice of how gays are treated by the sounds good but is really kind of condescending - 'love the sinner hate the sin' mentality. I started to see the arrogance of believing that my take on Scripture beats yours. I started to see that I was a promoter of all of these things whether in my heart or outwardly. Suddenly I realized I was trapped inside a very tiny religious chicken coop. And I wanted out. Deep within me I knew that God was way huger than I gave Him credit for and that I would be able to find Him wherever I went.

While Dave may have needed God with more defined boundaries, I was in desperate need of God to let me breathe, let me rest in Him, to stop striving for perfection and find my way without the barbed wire rule book (scary for a girl who tends toward black and white thinking - even now when I discover something new I have to fight myself not to turn it into a new rule).

Same God...But relationally different. Dave and I both perhaps have discovered a love deeper than we can comprehend. We're both free of something that was bad for us...And we want to share that freedom. That's the fruit. No matter how we got there, no matter where our focus is specifically, no matter that we may not agree on all theological points (I think you can say "God is love" and "Love is God"). Our 'hot buttons' are probably different, but at the core, we both have Jesus Christ. We both know that God is good. We 'know with our knowers.' I don't think at this point I can choose not to believe in Jesus...It would be like saying I don't believe my mom and dad are real.

God just IS. That is how He defines himself. To Steve's point, each of us does define Him based on our lenses. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it way wrong. One day we'll all know the real God completely.

Here's to the journey...And here's to helping each other along the way.

Ok, wow, talk about squirrels...If you got this far you have earned an Indulgence to put toward a lost soul in purgatory....