Triggered.... a rant.

Disclaimer: The following is a discussion of teachings that I take issue with and in no way implies that I am judging the people behind them who are my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I went to a revival last night...And it WAS a revival - it revived all sorts of bad stuff inside of me. It went from great music and expressive worship to a little visit to my past. Yipeee. My friends told me that some cool stuff did happen later on in the service but I had since left.

Here is the low down in Reader's Digest form:

I was doing great until the preaching turned into a holiness teaching that included things like this, "Tell Him you won't be secular anymore!" "Tell him you'll do what he says" "Tell him you'll obey"..."We want revival! We want to get our fire back!" On the overhead it said "Fire comes through obedience"... Read between the lines here: IF you obey, you'll get that revival, If you are good God will bless you. IF you are obedient you'll experience the fire of the Holy Spirit.

IF IF IF. Talk about setting people up for failure. If I have to walk in perfect obedience to get revived I am screwed.

At that point I zoned out because old tapes of "you better do better if you want God to be happy with you" were triggered. I could no longer focus on God because I was running interference in my spirit. I found a quiet room near the sanctuary to try to journal with God and get His input but I sensed that I needed to leave. I wanted to stay with my friends and hope it got better but God sent me home. Over the night He reminded me of the things He has spent years weaving into my soul and that have brought freedom to me:

- Grace is not conditional and it is free.

- Holiness is a by-product of walking with Jesus and yielding to His Spirit.

- Obedience is not "being good so that your heart is worthy of God." It is the give God your heart and the "being good" will follow.

- The Holy Spirit can bring His passion on anyone He wants to, whenever He wants to. I could be Mother Teresa and He may decide that the man down the street who drinks too much will get a measure.

-God loves the stuffings out of me even if I don't measure up (I never will!).

-He gives gifts based on HIS wisdom not mine.

A friend recently said people already know what is wrong with them - they need to know what is RIGHT with them.

That's a good word right there. :) :)

I would never measure up at this church...I screw up way more often than I am Holy. This isn't to say that making better choices and honoring God with your behavior are not wonderful, I just take issue with it being construed as the way to earning his favor.

Thankfully I am in a place where the overriding message is that LOVE (not merit) WINS.

Thank you, Jesus!