OCD and conversational prayer do not mix well!

Christmas was very nice ovr all. The morning started out badly. I was frustrated with myself for not having gotten Denny much for Christmas. So I was there trying to download MP3 Files from the Glenn Beck website to burn onto a disk. First, I had to download each file individually...There were close to 40 of them. After going through that, I was unable to burn them to a disc. So I decided to pull down some pics of GB and put them in cards that said "You have access to MP3 files of..." I was also battling the dreaded obsessive thinking around God stuff. So finally I just threw my hands up and said "WHATEVER!" and I wanted to just chuck all of this deeper walk stuff out the window and find a quiet little social club church to attend on Sundays. Be safe and quiet and stop trying to distinguish the voices in my head. Just assume that anything I hear in my head is just my own imagination. Actually, part of me still thinks that is the way to go. Trust that God will throw a football in my back if I start walking to close to a busy intersection. It would beat the battle of the voices. While I definitely do not want to climb back into a safe Jesus box - this living on the edge of the Kingdom with Christ is kind of exciting - I can do without this particular difficulty. Maybe I do need to just stop with the "conversational" prayer stuff. Maybe I'm just not made for it. Others seem to have a gift for voice discernment that I have trouble with. I'm a teacher, strong in the areas of faith and exhortation, but I also have OCD and that is a huge problem. I get to the point where I stub my toe and think "What is God trying to tell me??" and then I get this stream of voices in my head like "You have to be careful of stumbling blocks" or "I'm trying to wake you up to your surroundings" yeah - WHATEVER...Probably I should have just turned on the light. They teach that one way to pray is to write down your questions to God and then everything you "get" in answer to that question...Later you should go back and see what squares with God's character and what doesn't. I have had very interesting conversations with God...But I am also a writer - how the heck do I know what is really Him or what is just me coming up with a good sounding answer? Even if it doesn't violate scripture, does that mean it was definitely God speaking to me, or is it just me knowing what sounds good AND doesn't violate scripture...Know what I mean??

Someone...help!

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