Outside the Pigeon Holes

I refuse to be left out of it. Somehow, some way I am going to figure out how someone who struggles with scrupulosity can have/use any of the gifts at anytime that the Holy Spirit decides to pour them out. I ain't gettin' in the back seat! No sireee bob!

Christmas was very nice ovr all. The morning started out badly. I was frustrated with myself for not having gotten Denny much for Christmas. So I was there trying to download MP3 Files from the Glenn Beck website to burn onto a disk. First, I had to download each file individually...There were close to 40 of them. After going through that, I was unable to burn them to a disc. So I decided to pull down some pics of GB and put them in cards that said "You have access to MP3 files of..." I was also battling the dreaded obsessive thinking around God stuff. So finally I just threw my hands up and said "WHATEVER!" and I wanted to just chuck all of this deeper walk stuff out the window and find a quiet little social club church to attend on Sundays. Be safe and quiet and stop trying to distinguish the voices in my head. Just assume that anything I hear in my head is just my own imagination. Actually, part of me still thinks that is the way to go. Trust that God will throw

Anyone who knows me knows that I am completely convinced that I have a mild form of Autism...Ok, really it's OCD. But I discovered the similarities between the two during the years I worked with special needs kids. I understood those kids really well. I am rule-bound, anxious and hypervigilant. When my safe little world gets rocked, I have a meltdown. Maybe I don't always kick and scream, but my mind spins like a cyclone. Even when I know deep down that rules aren't life, they make me feel safe. I like to feel safe. Sitting through the message at VWS today about how we heal our community by chucking the "rules" was a challenge for me. Red flags began waving in my safety zones and I feared that my lovely VWS was subscribing to some new age, its-all-good-as-long-as-we're nice-to-each-other theology. God doesn't call us to be moral? Someone can be Buddhist and find God? You don't have to convert to Christianity to go to Heaven?? ???!!!! Tim said he wanted