Outside the Pigeon Holes

YAY! Lakota East is performing their show after the ridiculous political correctness issue that almost cancelled it. They have had to change the title from 10 Little Indians to And Then There Were None but whatever makes the PC crowd happy I guess. Thing is, the "crowd" was mostly one guy who owns a diversity education business. And ironically is the president of the local chapter of the NAACP...Advancement of Colored People ...um...When was the last time the phrase "colored people" wasn't frowned upon? Sigh... Anyway...Good for the admin at Lakota East for making it so the kids who gave their time and energy to rehearse this show (which really has little to do with Indians or African Americans) could perform it.

Baby Grace, a 2-year old was murdered by her parents...She was beaten with leather belts, had her head held underwater in a bathtub and then was thrown across a room, her head slamming into a tile floor, Trenor said in the document. She said they kept the body in a storage shed for one to two months before they put it in a plastic bin and dumped it into Galveston Bay. ( http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,313001,00.html ) And to think I whined today because I had to re-order tickets to a show.

Fare thee well So, after sleeping and talking to My Heavenly Father about it I have looked at the status of a couple of my relationships...The damage I have done to people I said I cared about and likewise the damage that has been done to me...And this is not a poor pitiful me post. This is me finally facing the truth of things. I have been duplicitous in trying to stay in good graces with people I didn;t want to see leave my life while at the same time not completely trusting them either. so I'd pretend that all was well when really, I was being sort of superficial. I'd pretend not to be of course. I'm a peace maker...But as I have recently learned through the teachings of a wise and gifted woman of God, this kind of peace is a false peace that does nothing but harbor and breed ugliness. Eventually that ugliness will come out. But that is a good thing...The truth will set you free. The truth is that I have been a gossip. And I have ...

My friend once told me that I would not fully experience life with Christ until I was willing to be "naked on the cross"...That is to say, when I am able to remove anything that keeps me from expressing to God my true heart...That is not to say that Jesus does not fully love me or that my life with Him thus far has been inadequate. It is simply that He cannot fully heal me until I expose to Him all of my wounds. Even the ones I try to keep under a band-aid because I think they aren't worth tending to or I don't feel justified in crying about. My pain tolerance has always been low. When my mom would comb my hair and hit any knot I would scream and cry. It truly, truly hurt - even if she thought it shouldn't. My mom eventually cut my hair into the "Dorothy Hamil" so that it wouldn't hurt so much to comb. So it became in my soul: Prevent the tears to keep it from hurting (nevermind the fact that even short hair gets tangled). For decades I have neatly t...

Me and Melody! My awesome, talented, theatrical niece!

She looks for love in boys and toys. And sometimes girls if she's feeling coy. She has attitude and a short fuse. She tosses her hair and flashes her blues. She'll smile and nod if a boy will talk. And sway her little hips on the cat walk. She'll take it just to have it. She'll hide it just to keep it. She takes her booze only from the tap. And knows what to find on a boy in their lap. Some would say she's a streetwise whore. It might be true if she were more than four. A little girl who is a woman. A woman who was never a girl.

I was walking to the BP station up the street. God nudged me to the right and said "Head to Christian Club Coffee House" I said Good Morning to a stranger - a woman about 60 years old. She asked me where the bus stop was to go to Warsaw. I said "It would be heading down that way" and pointed East. She said she'd been walking around since 5am because her friends told her she had to get out and her ride had already left. God kept poking me. I asked where she lived. She told me. It wasn't far. I offered her a ride (trying to squelch all the fears and anxieties about riding strangers in your car). She said she didn't have money to pay me. I told her it was God's car and she didn't need to pay me. She did a double take. We headed to my house and she said she had been around the block 3 times and was about to give up. She said God must have sent me to her. I think God sent her to me. On the way home she asked if I went to church. I said I did and ask...

There's a lot of talk going on about the new film The Golden Compass. I read the entire trilogy a few years back not realizing what the author's intentions were until the end. Philip Pullman is indeed and atheist. He is also an excellent writer. He also, IMHO, probably did more to encourage belief in God than convince people that atheism is the way to go. The series is very interesting and pretty much keeps you into it from start to finish. Once I realized what he was communicating I was disappointed after having stuck with the series all the way through. I thought perhaps these characters would find some resolve. The way the last book ends is very sad and leaves you feeling kind of empty and hopeless. I thought "Man. I'm glad I don't live in this world that this guy has created." I would think most people will walk away thinking life is better with at least the hope of God than to live like the protagonists end up living - separate, alone and longing. And if...

My life as a mute Ok, so all last year we had no health insurance and God was sooo faithful. He protected us fully and we had not a sniffle. It was amazing to be under that kind of protection! It's so cool to have my Father be the Creator and ruler of the universe! Now that I have my job back with benefits I think our extra provision has been lifted since we're OK to face life's bumps and bruises once again. :) Dennis has injured his ankle twice and I was hit with a nasty virus last week. Sore throat, cough, and laryngitis. The doc told me I was not allowed to talk until the laryngitis passed to protect my vocal folds from getting nodules...So I was mute for 3 days! I didn't say a single word from 1:30pm Friday til Monday! It was definitely a challenge! I used a lot of sign language and this little dry erase borard I acquired while working at University Hospital. Far be it from God...

1 John 1:5 [ Walking in the light ] This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. He is 100% pure, spotless, perfectly loving and perfectly just. And so how do I stand a chance as the messed up person that I am to ever stand in the magnificent presence of God? By what means do I gain entrance to Heaven? It isn't that God wouldn't want to welcome me in regardless, but there can be no darkness in the presence of 100% light. It's not possible. Where there is unadulterated love there cannot be even a hint of less. Being good for cosmic brownie points makes no sense. And is a burdensome way to live...Even the sweetest person on the planet has come up short somewhere along the way. Following a set of rules is futile since I can refrain from murder but still be a hateful person in my heart. Rituals simply prove that I can do rote religious activity. How does that heal my sickness of soul? I'm hopeless. Screw...

Here is an excerpt from a book I was reading recently. This passage made me wanna stand up on the table in the coffee house where I was reading and have church right there! A pastor I know recalls a Sunday morning Bible study at his church when the text under consideration was Genesis 22. God commands Abraham to take his son, Isaac and offer him in sacrifice on Mt. Moriah (side note for folks unfamiliar with the story: God stops Abraham from killing Isaac and then provides a ram for him to use instead). After the group read the passage, the pastor offered some historical background on this period in salvation-history, including the prevelance of child sacrifice among Canaanites. The group listened in awkward silence. Then the pastor asked, "But what does this story mean to us?" A middle aged man spoke up. "I'll tell you the meaning this story has for me. I've decided that me and my family are looking for another church." The pastor was astonished, ...

At a prayer training once we did an exercise in hearing from God in which we asked God a question and then wrote down - without editing - what we received. It took prayer, shutting off my head and listening for His voice to get the response. But I did write everything that I believed was Him. Obviously all of it needs to be squared with with scripture before it can be attributed to the Holy Spirit and not our own heads (or even worse!). And that is the step after this one. This was what I asked and the unedited response: Q - Why do we have to kill your creatures and eat them? Why do some animals have to do the same? A - I made all creatures. They are all mine. I do not ask everyone to eat of them. Your prayers of mercy over those that suffer and die at the hands of mass graves are heard. I tend to each one of my flock, I know that they hurt. All my children and animals hurt. It is not my way and will be restored at the time of my coming. The animals are special to you and that is one ...

Day 2 of my fast from worry: So, I was talking to God as I sorted the mail today...I expressed my frustration with trying to understand how we're supposed to be not worried when throughout the Bible there are worrisome things that happen and it is almost contradictory. Be not afraid - but fear the wrath of God. Don't worry - but work out your own salvation with fear and trembling - sounds as though I need to worry about my salvation...I dunno...I was just frustrated...God said "Phillipians 4:13" I said "yeah - yeah - I know - I can do all things through Christ...I don't need to read it and sometimes Paul stresses me out anyway." But I kept getting poked at "Phillipians 4:13...Phillipians 4:13"...So I opened my Message Bible - which is the one I have with me right now - it does not have verse #s so I had to read the whole of chapter 4...Part of which states: Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your...

This is funny stuff!

Wow - it has been a while. I am currently broke due to someone stealing all of my money from my checking and savings account...They got a hold of my bank card # somehow. Prayerfully the bank will be able to get it back soooon. This year for lent I am adding something rather than taking away - a little thing that Elizabeth taught me about. :) I began to pray about it and immediately sensed that God wanted me to commit to a devotional everyday. This was quickly confirmed as that day I had "accidentally" received two of the devotional books that Shiloh sent out - and one of the envelopes also had 2 letters in it...I also received in the mail a package from my mom. She was returning Denny's "Forever Plaid" DVD but when I opened the envelope, out poured 5 or 6 little devotional guides. Hahahahaha! I said "Ok, Ok...I will DEFINITELY do the devotionals during lent." He knows I always need confirmation! We are doing the Kingdom Journey with VWS. First week was...

This video wrecked me at church last night...This is how much God loves me...His insane, complete, abundant love is exemplified in this father/son team. I am spiritually broken. And God carries me through for no other reason other than he chooses to....I don't deserve it and I can't earn it... I don't even know what to do with this kind of love except take it and try to live in gratitude to my heavenly Father who came here himself to set me free....

I refuse to be left out of it. Somehow, some way I am going to figure out how someone who struggles with scrupulosity can have/use any of the gifts at anytime that the Holy Spirit decides to pour them out. I ain't gettin' in the back seat! No sireee bob!

Christmas was very nice ovr all. The morning started out badly. I was frustrated with myself for not having gotten Denny much for Christmas. So I was there trying to download MP3 Files from the Glenn Beck website to burn onto a disk. First, I had to download each file individually...There were close to 40 of them. After going through that, I was unable to burn them to a disc. So I decided to pull down some pics of GB and put them in cards that said "You have access to MP3 files of..." I was also battling the dreaded obsessive thinking around God stuff. So finally I just threw my hands up and said "WHATEVER!" and I wanted to just chuck all of this deeper walk stuff out the window and find a quiet little social club church to attend on Sundays. Be safe and quiet and stop trying to distinguish the voices in my head. Just assume that anything I hear in my head is just my own imagination. Actually, part of me still thinks that is the way to go. Trust that God will throw...

Anyone who knows me knows that I am completely convinced that I have a mild form of Autism...Ok, really it's OCD. But I discovered the similarities between the two during the years I worked with special needs kids. I understood those kids really well. I am rule-bound, anxious and hypervigilant. When my safe little world gets rocked, I have a meltdown. Maybe I don't always kick and scream, but my mind spins like a cyclone. Even when I know deep down that rules aren't life, they make me feel safe. I like to feel safe. Sitting through the message at VWS today about how we heal our community by chucking the "rules" was a challenge for me. Red flags began waving in my safety zones and I feared that my lovely VWS was subscribing to some new age, its-all-good-as-long-as-we're nice-to-each-other theology. God doesn't call us to be moral? Someone can be Buddhist and find God? You don't have to convert to Christianity to go to Heaven?? ???!!!! Tim said he wanted...

My top spiritual gift according to my Excavation classwork is Faith. So it stands to reason that this is right where the enemy throws down his stumbling block when he wants to interfere. Where I struggle the most in my 25 year walk with the Lord is seperating myself from toxic beliefs and lies that are lodged into my head about the nature of God and His love for me. While I could probably never remember all of the things that roll around in the recesses of my mind, I can pinpoint some of them. -Critical voices from my childhood that taught me no matter what I did it could be done better. -People in a "spirit-filled" church who represented Christ by alienating my mom after she and my dad divorced. -A friend attending Bible College who told me a story about God burning 2 people up on the street for failing to do the mission He sent them on. - A well-meaning friend who told me when my marriage was wrecked by my husband's addiction that "it...